Well, not quite a 19 pounder...

But still a BIG girl!  Today, at 35 weeks 3 days, our "little one" is 7 pounds 8 ounces!  That is the size of a FULL TERM BABY!  She still has 2.5 weeks until she is considered full term...goodness gracious.  And even then, she has another 5 weeks until due date.  Between the last ultrasound and the one today (1 month) she put on 3 lbs...so logic would say she will probably put on at least another 3 pounds in the next 4 weeks...which puts her at 10.5 pounds!  GOOD LORD.  I am already having nightmares.

I expected her to be big...they have told me from the beginning they expected her to be 9-11 pounds, so she is right where they thought she would be.  My problem today is that the high risk doctor basically told me that we will do another ultrasound in 3 weeks to determine what we should do.  But my regular OB told me two weeks ago that we would be scheduling my induction/c-section date TOMORROW.  When I mentioned to the high-risk doc that I was supposed to be schedule tomorrow, she said she saw no reason to schedule at this point and that if the baby hasn't come on it's own by 39 weeks, then we'd schedule.  She also said she was going to be sure to call my regular doctor and tell her not to schedule me.

What the heck?  I have only seen this high risk doctor one previous time...I have been seeing my regular OB for 20 weeks!  Why does she have to meddle in my business????  I WANT A DATE!  I know most women don't have one, yada yada yada...to that I say, most women haven't been going to the doctor every other week for their entire pregnancy, haven't been having 3 appointments a week for the past 6 weeks, aren't now going to 5 appointments a week for the next 3-4 weeks...I DESERVE TO KNOW THE DATE GOSH DARN IT!!!

Not to mention, I have been told since day 1 that I will be induced/c-sectioned - I will not be allowed to go to "term" (40 weeks) because of both the size of the baby as well as placental deterioration (common in diabetics). 

My regular OB has told me she believes me capable of delivering of 9 or maybe a 9.5 lb baby, that I was just built for that kind of size, but she would question whether a 10+ lb baby would be possible.  Now, I trust my doctor 100% (and am not interested in hearing anyone's opinion on why I should not), and she has been doing this for a LONG time.  If she questions my ability to push a 10+ pound baby out of me, then I question my ability.  And I have NO DESIRE to prove her wrong!  Now, if the baby was going to be 7 lbs, than yes, please let me deliver normally.  But 10+?  That is a different story completely.

The high risk doctor tells me I can "try" to have Ms. Ava.  The thing is, I have NO DESIRE to TRY to push a 10+ pound baby out.  None!  And I don't want to "try" and end up having to c-section in the end.  Now, I know that something could happen even with a smaller baby and I could end up having to c-section.  And while I personally believe that would really really REALLY suck, it could happen.  But I don't see the point in setting myself up for failure and for the worst of both worlds.  If the odds are stacked against it, why would I do it?

I thought tomorrow would be the day I would finally know which way and when Ms. Ava would make her grand appearance.  Now it seems that this high risk doctor is going to call the shots, and I am not terribly happy with that.  I hope my regular OB isn't railroaded by her...Even Johnny thought the high risk lady was a bit...high & mighty and a know it all.  So I know it isn't just my opinion.

I wish I could make my head work straight...I just feel so crazy right now in so many ways...sometimes I feel like I just cannot handle all these doctor appointments and all this worry anymore.  I think it is extremely hard for people to understand or relate because even if they have been pregnant & miserable, they have never had to go through the level of scrutiny that I am still going through.  It is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting.

Here is to still hoping I will know tomorrow when I can finally meet Ms. Ava and leave all these doctors in the dust!