Well, I love my regular OB. I should have known that the crazy doctors over at Maternal Fetal would not influence her opinion or our plan. Thank goodness for doctors that are on the same page as you are! I feel much better after talking with her yesterday. I was chatting with the front desk girl yesterday before my appointment and she mentioned to me that Maternal Fetal Medicine does tend to try to make things difficult...they have quite the reputation! That made me feel a bit better about the whole situation.
So, first the updates: my pre-eclampsia test came back negative, and my blood pressure the past two days has been back down under 120/80 like normal. Apparently I do have a *slightly* high creatinine level. This is a measure of kidney function, and normally they want the level between .06-1.2, and mine is .08. However, they want it a bit lower in pregnancy, more like .04-.06, so in that regard it is a little high. Doc said this is most likely just because of the diabetes, nothing to worry about. All my other results were stellar and she couldn't be happier with how the pregnancy is going. Finally...a positive doctor!
Then we talked about Maternal Fetal...they sent over a letter to my doctor stating there was no reason to schedule any induction/c-section prior to the end of 39 weeks. The baby is large, but because head & stomach are the same size (both greater than 90th percentile), her size is not due to the diabetes, she is just a big one! The high risk doc said I have good control of the diabetes, Ava is healthy & happy, and therefore there is no reason to plan anything. My OB was very happy with the update.
I mentioned that I was a bit concerned about the whole "no need to schedule" idea seeing as how Ava was already 7.5 lbs at 35 weeks and I have another 4 weeks to go (5 if we go to 40 weeks)...which by my math calculations is a 10.5-11.5 baby. I don't want to push that baby out! My doc explained the high risk doc was saying I could "try" because Ava's head was the same size as her belly...so if the head gets out, then so does the rest of her. If her belly was much bigger than her head (like many diabetic babies), then there is a very high chance she will get stuck in the birth canal - that would be bad.
She also said that most women who try to deliver a 10+ lb baby are doing so because they want to try, not because the docs are comfortable with it. She said she has been more nervous during delivery than the Mom was due to the size of the baby. She has seen women be successful, and she has seen women stall out or have the baby go into distress and have an emergency c-section. However, she said that the ultrasound estimates are not exact, and Ava could be smaller (or larger) than they think she is. She wanted me to make sure I understood it was my choice if I want to try having a normal delivery or if I want to schedule a c-section. Worst that happens is I try a normal delivery and I stall out and have to c-section anyway (my worst nightmare). She also said I could wait until after my 38 week growth ultrasound to make a decision if I want to.
I decided to take another week to think about it and talk it over with Johnny to decide what I am going to do. I just have a gut feeling that even if I try a normal delivery, it will end in c-section (due to her size & the complications from diabetes). I don't want to c-section (mostly due to the recovery), but I also REALLY don't want to push out a baby. Again, I wish the stork were a delivery option! There are many who feel the birthing of a child is a wonderful experience that they would feel incomplete without. I feel it is a necessary evil to end up with a my little one in my arms :) So the "birth experience" is not important to me...what is important to me is to have a healthy baby in my arms at the end. I think at this point I am leaning towards a scheduled c-section, and if something happens (like at the next ultrasound they think she is only 7 pounds or if I go into labor early), then so be it.
The doc also explained they cannot schedule an induction before 39 weeks without doing an amniocentisis to make sure the baby has fully developed lungs - so that option is pretty much out as long as Ava is doing well inside my belly.
I am currently not progressing at all. My cervix is still closed, long, and baby hasn't dropped. Granted, that can change quickly so it is still possible she will come naturally & early, but I've been told the chances are pretty slim (although I'm hoping, but only if she is ready to come out on her own!). I hit 39 weeks on 2/5...so sometime between 2/5 & 2/12, I expect Ms. Ava to make her arrival! It's probably good if I end up making it to 39 weeks because I will have a week off before she arrives to get all the last minute things done around the house.
But I'd better start doing some wall push-ups to make sure I can lift her! :)
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Well, not quite a 19 pounder...
But still a BIG girl! Today, at 35 weeks 3 days, our "little one" is 7 pounds 8 ounces! That is the size of a FULL TERM BABY! She still has 2.5 weeks until she is considered full term...goodness gracious. And even then, she has another 5 weeks until due date. Between the last ultrasound and the one today (1 month) she put on 3 lbs...so logic would say she will probably put on at least another 3 pounds in the next 4 weeks...which puts her at 10.5 pounds! GOOD LORD. I am already having nightmares.
I expected her to be big...they have told me from the beginning they expected her to be 9-11 pounds, so she is right where they thought she would be. My problem today is that the high risk doctor basically told me that we will do another ultrasound in 3 weeks to determine what we should do. But my regular OB told me two weeks ago that we would be scheduling my induction/c-section date TOMORROW. When I mentioned to the high-risk doc that I was supposed to be schedule tomorrow, she said she saw no reason to schedule at this point and that if the baby hasn't come on it's own by 39 weeks, then we'd schedule. She also said she was going to be sure to call my regular doctor and tell her not to schedule me.
What the heck? I have only seen this high risk doctor one previous time...I have been seeing my regular OB for 20 weeks! Why does she have to meddle in my business???? I WANT A DATE! I know most women don't have one, yada yada yada...to that I say, most women haven't been going to the doctor every other week for their entire pregnancy, haven't been having 3 appointments a week for the past 6 weeks, aren't now going to 5 appointments a week for the next 3-4 weeks...I DESERVE TO KNOW THE DATE GOSH DARN IT!!!
Not to mention, I have been told since day 1 that I will be induced/c-sectioned - I will not be allowed to go to "term" (40 weeks) because of both the size of the baby as well as placental deterioration (common in diabetics).
My regular OB has told me she believes me capable of delivering of 9 or maybe a 9.5 lb baby, that I was just built for that kind of size, but she would question whether a 10+ lb baby would be possible. Now, I trust my doctor 100% (and am not interested in hearing anyone's opinion on why I should not), and she has been doing this for a LONG time. If she questions my ability to push a 10+ pound baby out of me, then I question my ability. And I have NO DESIRE to prove her wrong! Now, if the baby was going to be 7 lbs, than yes, please let me deliver normally. But 10+? That is a different story completely.
The high risk doctor tells me I can "try" to have Ms. Ava. The thing is, I have NO DESIRE to TRY to push a 10+ pound baby out. None! And I don't want to "try" and end up having to c-section in the end. Now, I know that something could happen even with a smaller baby and I could end up having to c-section. And while I personally believe that would really really REALLY suck, it could happen. But I don't see the point in setting myself up for failure and for the worst of both worlds. If the odds are stacked against it, why would I do it?
I thought tomorrow would be the day I would finally know which way and when Ms. Ava would make her grand appearance. Now it seems that this high risk doctor is going to call the shots, and I am not terribly happy with that. I hope my regular OB isn't railroaded by her...Even Johnny thought the high risk lady was a bit...high & mighty and a know it all. So I know it isn't just my opinion.
I wish I could make my head work straight...I just feel so crazy right now in so many ways...sometimes I feel like I just cannot handle all these doctor appointments and all this worry anymore. I think it is extremely hard for people to understand or relate because even if they have been pregnant & miserable, they have never had to go through the level of scrutiny that I am still going through. It is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting.
Here is to still hoping I will know tomorrow when I can finally meet Ms. Ava and leave all these doctors in the dust!
I expected her to be big...they have told me from the beginning they expected her to be 9-11 pounds, so she is right where they thought she would be. My problem today is that the high risk doctor basically told me that we will do another ultrasound in 3 weeks to determine what we should do. But my regular OB told me two weeks ago that we would be scheduling my induction/c-section date TOMORROW. When I mentioned to the high-risk doc that I was supposed to be schedule tomorrow, she said she saw no reason to schedule at this point and that if the baby hasn't come on it's own by 39 weeks, then we'd schedule. She also said she was going to be sure to call my regular doctor and tell her not to schedule me.
What the heck? I have only seen this high risk doctor one previous time...I have been seeing my regular OB for 20 weeks! Why does she have to meddle in my business???? I WANT A DATE! I know most women don't have one, yada yada yada...to that I say, most women haven't been going to the doctor every other week for their entire pregnancy, haven't been having 3 appointments a week for the past 6 weeks, aren't now going to 5 appointments a week for the next 3-4 weeks...I DESERVE TO KNOW THE DATE GOSH DARN IT!!!
Not to mention, I have been told since day 1 that I will be induced/c-sectioned - I will not be allowed to go to "term" (40 weeks) because of both the size of the baby as well as placental deterioration (common in diabetics).
My regular OB has told me she believes me capable of delivering of 9 or maybe a 9.5 lb baby, that I was just built for that kind of size, but she would question whether a 10+ lb baby would be possible. Now, I trust my doctor 100% (and am not interested in hearing anyone's opinion on why I should not), and she has been doing this for a LONG time. If she questions my ability to push a 10+ pound baby out of me, then I question my ability. And I have NO DESIRE to prove her wrong! Now, if the baby was going to be 7 lbs, than yes, please let me deliver normally. But 10+? That is a different story completely.
The high risk doctor tells me I can "try" to have Ms. Ava. The thing is, I have NO DESIRE to TRY to push a 10+ pound baby out. None! And I don't want to "try" and end up having to c-section in the end. Now, I know that something could happen even with a smaller baby and I could end up having to c-section. And while I personally believe that would really really REALLY suck, it could happen. But I don't see the point in setting myself up for failure and for the worst of both worlds. If the odds are stacked against it, why would I do it?
I thought tomorrow would be the day I would finally know which way and when Ms. Ava would make her grand appearance. Now it seems that this high risk doctor is going to call the shots, and I am not terribly happy with that. I hope my regular OB isn't railroaded by her...Even Johnny thought the high risk lady was a bit...high & mighty and a know it all. So I know it isn't just my opinion.
I wish I could make my head work straight...I just feel so crazy right now in so many ways...sometimes I feel like I just cannot handle all these doctor appointments and all this worry anymore. I think it is extremely hard for people to understand or relate because even if they have been pregnant & miserable, they have never had to go through the level of scrutiny that I am still going through. It is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting.
Here is to still hoping I will know tomorrow when I can finally meet Ms. Ava and leave all these doctors in the dust!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
End of the year Ava update
Well, Ava has been doing well on her last few tests...passing with flying colors! I'm still doing 2 non-stress tests & 1 biophysical profile a week. At least I get to see her once a week since the biophysical profile is done via ultrasound! On Monday they gave me a picture of her face and she is squinting her eyes! It is a funny picture...Johnny thinks she has Mom's "tired eyes". That is NOT a compliment, lol!
Today I had my regular OB appointment, and I tried REALLY hard to get an answer on c-section vs. regular delivery and to get a date scheduled...however, I failed miserably on both counts! The doc did explain to me why, and it is basically because my claim would be rejected as "medically necessary" for a c-section if they projected Ava's birth weight from a 31 week ultrasound. So, my next growth ultrasound is on 1/11, which is at 35.5 weeks. They can project from there what her weight would be at 38 & 39 weeks and make the determination. So, on 1/12, at my next OB appointment, I should know HOW and WHEN this little girl is coming out of me! I hope I can make it another two weeks...I am such a planner it is hard not knowing! Then I realize that most women have a 4 week time period (38-42 weeks) when they could give birth and realize that having to wait a couple more weeks to schedule really isn't that bad of a deal! Not to mention it makes me feel that my doctor is really doing what is in my & Ava's best interests, not what is easier for her. Although I am a planner, so not knowing HOW is killing me!!!!!
Either way, the doc said it would not be a bad experience. It may take me longer to heal from a c-section, but they would make sure everything was optimum for healing to help speed it along. If I do go the labor route, she promised me that even though I had not taken a child birth class, the baby would still come out fine and that there were lots of trained people to help me :) I will have 1 nurse with me throughout the birth to help, and the doc has promised me the nurses are VERY good at what they do. And she promised nobody would think less of me for not having taken a class, lol...Doc was actually very impressed with my acceptance of the situation and my willingness to do whatever is necessary for a healthy baby & healthy delivery. She must have missed all my crazy moments when I was freaking out about it! :)
I am hoping and I think believing at this point that the curse of being due on Feb 12 will be broken by me! Seems like everyone else who had that due date has had some pretty huge things thrown their way (multiple girls delivered prematurely, others on bed rest)...I have 5-6 more weeks, and ***knock on wood*** will make it all the way to delivery date without any problems!
Today I had my regular OB appointment, and I tried REALLY hard to get an answer on c-section vs. regular delivery and to get a date scheduled...however, I failed miserably on both counts! The doc did explain to me why, and it is basically because my claim would be rejected as "medically necessary" for a c-section if they projected Ava's birth weight from a 31 week ultrasound. So, my next growth ultrasound is on 1/11, which is at 35.5 weeks. They can project from there what her weight would be at 38 & 39 weeks and make the determination. So, on 1/12, at my next OB appointment, I should know HOW and WHEN this little girl is coming out of me! I hope I can make it another two weeks...I am such a planner it is hard not knowing! Then I realize that most women have a 4 week time period (38-42 weeks) when they could give birth and realize that having to wait a couple more weeks to schedule really isn't that bad of a deal! Not to mention it makes me feel that my doctor is really doing what is in my & Ava's best interests, not what is easier for her. Although I am a planner, so not knowing HOW is killing me!!!!!
Either way, the doc said it would not be a bad experience. It may take me longer to heal from a c-section, but they would make sure everything was optimum for healing to help speed it along. If I do go the labor route, she promised me that even though I had not taken a child birth class, the baby would still come out fine and that there were lots of trained people to help me :) I will have 1 nurse with me throughout the birth to help, and the doc has promised me the nurses are VERY good at what they do. And she promised nobody would think less of me for not having taken a class, lol...Doc was actually very impressed with my acceptance of the situation and my willingness to do whatever is necessary for a healthy baby & healthy delivery. She must have missed all my crazy moments when I was freaking out about it! :)
I am hoping and I think believing at this point that the curse of being due on Feb 12 will be broken by me! Seems like everyone else who had that due date has had some pretty huge things thrown their way (multiple girls delivered prematurely, others on bed rest)...I have 5-6 more weeks, and ***knock on wood*** will make it all the way to delivery date without any problems!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Ava update & possible TMI...
Well, the Ava update for today may contain information to make everyone entirely uncomfortable. I will try to skirt the issue, but since it may be central to the current concern, I'm not sure how well I'll do.
Today I had a biophysical profile & non-stress test. I found out at the biophysical profile they look for 4 things - 2 large movements (her kicking or whole body moving), 2 small movements (fingers or toes), fluid level (normal for the second test in a row!!!), and breathing for 30 seconds in a 30 minute time period. We got the movements & fluid count in about 5 minutes, and then waited another 25 for the breathing...Ms. Ava just always has to wait till the last minute! But thankfully she passed all of that, so it was on to the non-stress test.
I was watching the machine as the NST went on, and I knew she was going to pass as her heart rate was increasing/decreasing PLENTY...that is what you get when you have an active, happy little baby! However, what I didn't expect was that I wasn't going to pass, because I had 4 contractions during the 20 minute test. I only felt one of them, and even that one I only think I felt because I saw the numbers on the monitor & realized that it wasn't Ava moving but a contraction. A contraction in general isn't a concern, but 4 in a 20 minute time period is concerning. Apparently, if I knew I was having them I should immediately call Labor & Delivery. Except I don't feel them, so I can't call.
So the lady who did the test then had to go show the results to the doctor who was reviewing my NST & biophysical profile. After some questioning about what I felt and if I had felt any cramping, I mentioned that there had been a couple of times in the past I had felt cramping (vs. tightening, and yes, there is a difference!), but I assumed the cramping was my intestines working, since they seldom did these days, and a few hours after the cramping I normally was able to do "the deed". So after much conversation and two doctors offices being consulted, it was decided that even though this has been an ongoing problem for me for the last 26 weeks, they would tell me to take an OTC "aid" and that maybe would help the intestines work and that would cause the contractions to stop.
I can't argue...I mean, if the contractions stop AND I am able to take care of business, I'm going to be a happy girl...I just kind of wonder why after 26 weeks of little to no business, it would suddenly start causing contractions. So, they'll see on Thursday at my next NST how I'm doing, and if there are no contractions that SUPER, and if there are....? I guess we'll see at that point.
Good news is that I am the problem this time, not Ava! :) It is feeling like no matter what I do I can't win though, it always seems to be something. I guess I am being prepared for parenthood!
Today I had a biophysical profile & non-stress test. I found out at the biophysical profile they look for 4 things - 2 large movements (her kicking or whole body moving), 2 small movements (fingers or toes), fluid level (normal for the second test in a row!!!), and breathing for 30 seconds in a 30 minute time period. We got the movements & fluid count in about 5 minutes, and then waited another 25 for the breathing...Ms. Ava just always has to wait till the last minute! But thankfully she passed all of that, so it was on to the non-stress test.
I was watching the machine as the NST went on, and I knew she was going to pass as her heart rate was increasing/decreasing PLENTY...that is what you get when you have an active, happy little baby! However, what I didn't expect was that I wasn't going to pass, because I had 4 contractions during the 20 minute test. I only felt one of them, and even that one I only think I felt because I saw the numbers on the monitor & realized that it wasn't Ava moving but a contraction. A contraction in general isn't a concern, but 4 in a 20 minute time period is concerning. Apparently, if I knew I was having them I should immediately call Labor & Delivery. Except I don't feel them, so I can't call.
So the lady who did the test then had to go show the results to the doctor who was reviewing my NST & biophysical profile. After some questioning about what I felt and if I had felt any cramping, I mentioned that there had been a couple of times in the past I had felt cramping (vs. tightening, and yes, there is a difference!), but I assumed the cramping was my intestines working, since they seldom did these days, and a few hours after the cramping I normally was able to do "the deed". So after much conversation and two doctors offices being consulted, it was decided that even though this has been an ongoing problem for me for the last 26 weeks, they would tell me to take an OTC "aid" and that maybe would help the intestines work and that would cause the contractions to stop.
I can't argue...I mean, if the contractions stop AND I am able to take care of business, I'm going to be a happy girl...I just kind of wonder why after 26 weeks of little to no business, it would suddenly start causing contractions. So, they'll see on Thursday at my next NST how I'm doing, and if there are no contractions that SUPER, and if there are....? I guess we'll see at that point.
Good news is that I am the problem this time, not Ava! :) It is feeling like no matter what I do I can't win though, it always seems to be something. I guess I am being prepared for parenthood!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The best of Buddy...2005-2009
I was going through pictures tonight, thinking about my best Buddy...so here is a gallery of the Best of Buddy, 2005-2009!
Better results today...
Ava passed the NST today with flying colors. I think yesterday was a fluke due to my own highly stressed state...she was probably tired from me being up all night. I didn't quite understand the biophysical profile, but she passed that too, which is great :)
The ultrasound was the full ultrasound I originally had scheduled for Thursday. I'm really bummed that Johnny had to miss it, I wish he had been there not only to see for himself, but to be a support for me. Ava was actually very cooperative for once, and they got all the necessary measurements on the first try. I also got some 3D pics of her face which she was not hiding behind her arm & leg this time! She is one pudgy little baby, let me tell you...I'm almost embarrassed about it.
She now weighs 4lbs 10 oz. She should weigh about 3.31 lbs. That is better than she was doing last time, although she is still in the 90th percentile. Her head is now also in the 90th, so they said it appears it may be more genetics than diabetes at this point. Her head is measuring about 33 weeks & her abdomen is measuring 34 weeks (I am 32 weeks on Friday). The doc said because the difference between the two was only 1 week that they could not blame the diabetes, that it appeared that genetically she is a large baby. I'm not sure how much I believe any of the measurements at this point though...the last doctor we saw at the previous two ultrasounds said she was a medium baby. Her head was only in the 63rd percentile last time, and a month later it is in the 90's? They aren't concerned, but I just don't see how it happens!
Apparently my fluid level is down to 18, which is normal. Of course, since these values can change by the hour, I'm not sure how long I'll have a normal level. It has been averaging around 22 so I think I'm more comfortable thinking of my levels as slightly elevated.
So overall, it appears that yesterday was just a big scare, thankfully. I wish that the docs would think about patient stress level when they are making decisions on what needs to be done.
Even though everything is fine, I am now having to do a biophysical profile 1x/week, along with the 2 non-stress tests, the 2x/month diabetes educator visits, the 2x/month OB visits, the 1x/month ultrasound...They really should just set me up a room so I can get comfortable, I think I spend more time at the doc than I do at home these days. I couldn't really get a good answer about why I needed to do the biophysical profiles if Ava is passing all the other tests...just to be careful is basically the answer.
I took Buddy to my parents last night...I can't even express how depressing & devestating it is to give up a family member, especially a family member you chose. I still am having a hard time not crying...I just can't think about going home. It doesn't really feel like home without his smiling face & wagging tail. I'm angry about the whole situation, and very, very sad about it as well. It really is terrible timing, with my birthday and Christmas just around the corner. I think if Johnny ends up working on New Years Eve I will board Stoagie for the night and borrow Buddy to get in some good cuddle time. I miss him so much and it hasn't even been 1 day yet. Sigh. Hopefully this gets easier with time.
The ultrasound was the full ultrasound I originally had scheduled for Thursday. I'm really bummed that Johnny had to miss it, I wish he had been there not only to see for himself, but to be a support for me. Ava was actually very cooperative for once, and they got all the necessary measurements on the first try. I also got some 3D pics of her face which she was not hiding behind her arm & leg this time! She is one pudgy little baby, let me tell you...I'm almost embarrassed about it.
She now weighs 4lbs 10 oz. She should weigh about 3.31 lbs. That is better than she was doing last time, although she is still in the 90th percentile. Her head is now also in the 90th, so they said it appears it may be more genetics than diabetes at this point. Her head is measuring about 33 weeks & her abdomen is measuring 34 weeks (I am 32 weeks on Friday). The doc said because the difference between the two was only 1 week that they could not blame the diabetes, that it appeared that genetically she is a large baby. I'm not sure how much I believe any of the measurements at this point though...the last doctor we saw at the previous two ultrasounds said she was a medium baby. Her head was only in the 63rd percentile last time, and a month later it is in the 90's? They aren't concerned, but I just don't see how it happens!
Apparently my fluid level is down to 18, which is normal. Of course, since these values can change by the hour, I'm not sure how long I'll have a normal level. It has been averaging around 22 so I think I'm more comfortable thinking of my levels as slightly elevated.
So overall, it appears that yesterday was just a big scare, thankfully. I wish that the docs would think about patient stress level when they are making decisions on what needs to be done.
Even though everything is fine, I am now having to do a biophysical profile 1x/week, along with the 2 non-stress tests, the 2x/month diabetes educator visits, the 2x/month OB visits, the 1x/month ultrasound...They really should just set me up a room so I can get comfortable, I think I spend more time at the doc than I do at home these days. I couldn't really get a good answer about why I needed to do the biophysical profiles if Ava is passing all the other tests...just to be careful is basically the answer.
I took Buddy to my parents last night...I can't even express how depressing & devestating it is to give up a family member, especially a family member you chose. I still am having a hard time not crying...I just can't think about going home. It doesn't really feel like home without his smiling face & wagging tail. I'm angry about the whole situation, and very, very sad about it as well. It really is terrible timing, with my birthday and Christmas just around the corner. I think if Johnny ends up working on New Years Eve I will board Stoagie for the night and borrow Buddy to get in some good cuddle time. I miss him so much and it hasn't even been 1 day yet. Sigh. Hopefully this gets easier with time.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Ava & family update 12/14
It's taken me a while to be able to write this today...I'm probably having the worst day of my life today, Johnny even commented to me before he left for work that he's surprised I still have tears to cry...and yet, they keep coming.
I had an NST this morning and the first one Ava did not pass. Her heart rate did not accelerate/decelerate the number of times they wanted. I left for an hour, ate something, and came back...this time she passed, but barely. After that, and only sleeping for 3.5 hours that night, I called into work and came home. I passed out on the couch and slept for a few hours, until I could think straight again.
While I was asleep, Maternal Fetal Medicine called...while Ava "technically" passed the 2nd NST today, the doctor who reviewed the results was not happy with them. They are concerned that she was doing so great last week and then is barely passing this week. Now I am scheduled tomorrow morning for another NST along with a biophysical profile. Biophysical profiles are basically ultrasounds where they watch movement and count the number of breaths that Ava is taking...they want to see 30 breaths in 30 minutes at her age.
I am hoping beyond hope that Ava was just sleeping this morning as I was up until after 2am and woke up at 5:30 when Johnny came to bed. I'm hoping that my being stressed and not sleeping had worn her out...I am hoping and praying that this is all just one heck of a bad day and that tomorrow will be better.
On top of the Ava worry, tonight I am taking Buddy to my parents house. He is going to be moving in with them. Buddy & Stogie got in a fight last night, and while it has been a long time since they fought, each time they do it gets more intense and harder to break up. Last night Johnny had to force his way in between them and physically lay down on Buddy to pin him to the ground, while I yelled, clapped & hit Stogie to get him to leave. Even with Buddy pinned to the ground, Stogie was still growling and trying to get at him. Both of them were bleeding (luckily only in the mouth) by the time it was over. I had been talking with my parents last week about some other problems we were having with Buddy (eating cat poop) and they offered to take him if we decided we could not keep him.
I feel like I am giving up on him. And I don't want to. But I can't help but worry about what will happen if they decide to fight and Johnny is at work. I cannot jump into the middle of a dog fight. I can't pull a 50 or 80 pound dog off another dog anymore (can't lift more than 30 lbs). I can't risk putting myself and Ava into the middle of that. Which means they will fight until...what? Until one is killed? Until they hurt each other bad enough? Right now, if either of them did accidentally bite Johnny or I, it would be uncomfortable for sure. But what about when they start fighting and Ava is in the way? She could very easily be killed by a misplaced bite. And I am not willing to risk myself or my baby in that way. So instead I have to give up my first child, Buddy. I know a lot of people don't see the big deal, it's just a dog...but Buddy has been MY dog for 4 years. He's been with me through a lot of major life changes, he's cuddled with me and loved me when no one else was around. And now to have to give him away? It is the most heart wrenching decision I've ever made and one I wish desperately that I didn't have to make.
And all of this 2 days before my birthday. Pretty much year 29 is off to the worst start of any year I've had.
Hopefully tomorrow will start to turn it all around...Pray for Ava to pass her tests tomorrow!
I had an NST this morning and the first one Ava did not pass. Her heart rate did not accelerate/decelerate the number of times they wanted. I left for an hour, ate something, and came back...this time she passed, but barely. After that, and only sleeping for 3.5 hours that night, I called into work and came home. I passed out on the couch and slept for a few hours, until I could think straight again.
While I was asleep, Maternal Fetal Medicine called...while Ava "technically" passed the 2nd NST today, the doctor who reviewed the results was not happy with them. They are concerned that she was doing so great last week and then is barely passing this week. Now I am scheduled tomorrow morning for another NST along with a biophysical profile. Biophysical profiles are basically ultrasounds where they watch movement and count the number of breaths that Ava is taking...they want to see 30 breaths in 30 minutes at her age.
I am hoping beyond hope that Ava was just sleeping this morning as I was up until after 2am and woke up at 5:30 when Johnny came to bed. I'm hoping that my being stressed and not sleeping had worn her out...I am hoping and praying that this is all just one heck of a bad day and that tomorrow will be better.
On top of the Ava worry, tonight I am taking Buddy to my parents house. He is going to be moving in with them. Buddy & Stogie got in a fight last night, and while it has been a long time since they fought, each time they do it gets more intense and harder to break up. Last night Johnny had to force his way in between them and physically lay down on Buddy to pin him to the ground, while I yelled, clapped & hit Stogie to get him to leave. Even with Buddy pinned to the ground, Stogie was still growling and trying to get at him. Both of them were bleeding (luckily only in the mouth) by the time it was over. I had been talking with my parents last week about some other problems we were having with Buddy (eating cat poop) and they offered to take him if we decided we could not keep him.
I feel like I am giving up on him. And I don't want to. But I can't help but worry about what will happen if they decide to fight and Johnny is at work. I cannot jump into the middle of a dog fight. I can't pull a 50 or 80 pound dog off another dog anymore (can't lift more than 30 lbs). I can't risk putting myself and Ava into the middle of that. Which means they will fight until...what? Until one is killed? Until they hurt each other bad enough? Right now, if either of them did accidentally bite Johnny or I, it would be uncomfortable for sure. But what about when they start fighting and Ava is in the way? She could very easily be killed by a misplaced bite. And I am not willing to risk myself or my baby in that way. So instead I have to give up my first child, Buddy. I know a lot of people don't see the big deal, it's just a dog...but Buddy has been MY dog for 4 years. He's been with me through a lot of major life changes, he's cuddled with me and loved me when no one else was around. And now to have to give him away? It is the most heart wrenching decision I've ever made and one I wish desperately that I didn't have to make.
And all of this 2 days before my birthday. Pretty much year 29 is off to the worst start of any year I've had.
Hopefully tomorrow will start to turn it all around...Pray for Ava to pass her tests tomorrow!
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